Death

Chapter 16 was a tough chapter for me to read, because a little over a year ago, I lost my wonderful dad to one the the worst forms of cancer there is - pancreatic.  It was interesting to me how much this chapter reflected the emotions and the steps of the grief process that myself and my family have gone through and are still going through.  My personal belief is that we will all be reunited with our loved ones.  We might leave our bodies behind, but our souls will make the transition to a different plane (heaven).  This makes sense to me, since we are all made of energy and energy never dies, it just takes on a different form.  I do wonder if our loved ones and others can come back to visit us, whether as a ghost or another form of life.  I know that there's been a lot of research done on this subject and I would like to believe that there is someway to communicate with our loved ones in the afterlife, but it makes me wonder how and what kind of methods could be used to receive actual proof of this phenonomen.

I guess if I could talk to the authors of this text I would ask them why more isn't being done in our society to educate and discuss different death experiences and the methods of dealing with grief.  Why aren't there coping strategies that are acutually taught as part of a school curriculum starting at about the age of six? 

I learned from this chapter that the grief process isn't a step-by-step series of emotions where you proceed through each step in a certain order.  A person can actually go back and forth between certain emotions many times before their grieving process ends and sometimes it can take many years (if ever) to move on and rebuild their life without their loved one.  Now that I have this information it will help me help my mom through her grieving process as she mourns my dad.

Losing my dad was one of my greatest fears in life and unfortunately it came true and I've had to deal with it, a lot sooner than I ever thought I was going to have to - he was only 69 years old.  It was an awful disease that took his life prematurely.  However, he did get to be in his own home when he passed; hospice helped him with his pain management and maintaining his dignity.  I can vouch for hospice as being an extremely wonderful, compassionate organization that helped both my dad and our family in his final days.  His death was not a very peaceful one, but at least he was surrounded by my mom, sister, and myself as he passed to the other side, where he was free from suffering and finally at peace.

I think, if I had unlimited resources, I would research and investigate different mediums and their authenticity, and if I found any that seemed to be credible, I would try to use them to communicate with my dad.  What piqued my curiosity is, what did he see as he left this reality that we live in?  Was it a long tunnel with a bright light at the end, like I've heard and read about in near death experiences. or was it other family members and friends that had gone before him, ready to help him with the next part of his journey?  I don't know, none of us really do, we can speculate all we want, but until it's our turn, it will remain a mystery. 

Retirement

This week, I found the section on retirement interesting.  It's a time of life that can be difficult to define because it means so many different things to people, depending on your beliefs and attitude regarding it.  In general, retirement in the U.S., was the idea of working for a certain amount of time and then retiring around the age of 65.  However, that whole concept changed, due to the downturn of the economy in the early 1990s; people started postponing their retirements and staying in the workforce longer.  In my opinion, this isn't the only reason that people are working longer in this day and age.  I think a lot of people really enjoy their work, and due to advances in health care, are able  to continue working much longer then they used to.  I wish I could ask the authors of this text what they would predict the average age of retirement will be 25 years from now.  Will it be the norm to see 85 year olds still a part of the workforce?

Regardless of the age people retire, I love to see the ones that really take advantage of their "free time" and fill it up with all sorts of adventures and opportunities, which brings me to my grandma.  She retired in her mid-sixties (now she's 92), and started travelling all over the world.  When she went to Taiwan she rode an elephant, when she went to Morocco she rode a camel, and while she was in Australia she held a Koala bear and a wombat!  In her seventies she was still going on rollercoaster rides!  She learned Tai Chi, got a treadmill, and in her eighties she started lifting weights.  She even modeled at fashion shows for a store that sold "older women" attire.  She is very active in her community and church and volunteers all the time for different things, in fact when I try to plan something with her it's always "wait a minute, let me grab my calendar" because she's so busy!  I don't get to see her as often as I like because she lives in Oak Harbor, but when I do visit her, we love to have our little "happy hour", she'll put out some cheese and crackers and we'll have a couple of glasses of wine and talk about life.  She's positive, easygoing, kind, loving and every good thing you could say about a person.  She's amazing!!

Fortunately, my grandma, has been able to enjoy retirement without having to worry too much about her finances or her health.  However, for the ones that do struggle, after reading the article "As Good as it Gets", I wish our country was more like the Netherlands, where they respect and value their elders and take care of them. I think it would be interesting to do further research on different countries and find out what their policies are concerning retirement and how they treat their elderly people versus the U.S.  


   

Coping with unemployment

This week I decided to write my blog on the topic of coping with unemployment from Chapter 12 in the textbook.  This is something that so many people are having to deal with because our economy has taken a turn for the worse - businesses and corporations are downsizing and there's a lack of work for many different trades.  I, personally, found this subject interesting because both my husband and myself were laid off  from work, so, we have first-hand experience at what it feels like to have good paying jobs and then all of a sudden they're gone.  What I'm wondering about is when will this economy finally turn around and unemployment rates drop?  I would also like to know more about how we as a society can bring this change about, so we can get people back to work! 

I wish the authors would have gone into more detail about how it affects every aspect of your life, including your children's lives, as well.  I did like the advice they gave on page 442, about how to manage occupational transitions; basically, they were saying analyze your situation, come up with a plan, and take action, don't wallow in pity and feel helpless.  This approach is pretty much the way I'm trying to deal with my situation;  I accepted the fact that I was unemployed, came up with a plan to go back to school to become and RN, and here I am, taking my prereqs and working part-time.  It hasn't been easy though, because before I got laid-off  I managed a store for the Washington State Liquor Control Board, was making $20 an hour and had great health and retirement benefits.  Then people voted to privatize spirits and we had to dismantle our whole agency by June 1st of last year.  This past December would have been 9 years that I worked for the state;  I started as a clerk and worked my way up to manager. 

In spite of my loss, I have decided to look at it as an opportunity to reinvent myself  and get a better career.  What piqued my curiosity was how these two chapters really tied into my life right now, not only dealing with a lay-off, but also the timing of it, because both my husband and I will be turning the big 50 this August!   When we should be thinking about retirement, we instead, have to think about starting over in middle age, so  I would really like to research other couples that this has happened to and see how they've adjusted and what kinds of attitudes they had about it.  Anyway, that's my story! 

The dark side

This week I decided to do my topic on the dark side of relationships (abuse) that was part of Chapter 11, because it tied into a real life situation that involved one of my daughter's coworkers, that happened recently.  According to this chapter, an abusive relationship is one where a person becomes aggressive toward their partner, whether it's verbal abuse or physical abuse;  either type is damaging to a relationship.  In my opinion, this is a subject that can not be easily discussed with anyone when you are the one that is the victim of one or more of these abuses.  It's like a "dirty little secret", and usually the victim is too embarrassed  or humiliated to get out of the relationship or to seek help, because the perpetrator has insidiously berated and "broken down" their self-esteem and wellness, and made them feel like everything and every problem in their relationship is their fault.  This is because the one that's the abuser usually is insecure, has a low self esteem, anger issues, or grew up in an environment where they, themselves, witnessed abuse.  It makes me wonder, that even though the laws involving domestic violence have become much more stricter compared to the past, that this issue is  still prevalent in our society, and what more could we do to prevent these acts from occurring?  Do you think, like I do, that there should be courses on anger management incorporated into our schools' curriculum, starting at a young age like elementary school, to help children deal with their anger issues before they escalate into their adult years and they can cause severe physical or emotional damage to someone else?  I learned from the text, on table 11.1 on page 392, about the different types of abuses and the causes , such as control issues, jealously, aggressiveness, alcohol abuse, marital discord, etc.  I also wish I could ask the authors of this text, why are there people that are perpetrators of violence but yet  have come from supportive parents?  From what I understand about abuse issues, is that they only don't happen in our culture, but many other cultures, as well, throughout our world.  Upon reading this information from our text and how it coincides with my daughter's coworker, it really makes me want  to further my education and devote my time to helping these people that have 'identiy ussues".

The real life situation of my daughter's coworker is that this woman is in her late 40's or early 50's and has been with her husband since she was 17.  There has been many different verbal and minor physical incidences that has been inflicted on her throughout their lifetime, however, this last one was the "straw that broke  the camels back" so to speak.  He came home in the early morning hours after a heavy night of drinking with some of his family members, and when he entered their apartment the dog growled at him; well that really set him off and he went into the bedroom and woke up his wife; she got up and he proceeded to slam her head up against the wall, causing damage to her hearing.  She now has to apply medicinal drops to her ear and the doctors say that they don't know if she will get all of her hearing back in that ear.   One of the worse aspects of this situation is that her 22 year old daughter slammed her into the sliding glass door, right after her head was slammed into the wall.  Needless to say, is that, both the husband and daughter got restraining orders taken out on them.  This woman is such a nice person (I've met her), and I don't understand this abuse she has to go through from both her husband and daughter.  Luckily, her son is a lot like her and has a very good job in the Seattle area, and he was able to come up to Bellingham and stay with her and lend  his supprt over this very difficult time.

So, in conclusion, I would like to know why her daughter would help her father commit such a violence act  against her, but, yet her son would travel such a great distance to be near her  and  help support her.

Adolescents and Risky Behavior

This week, one of the topics that caught my attention was adolescents and risky behavior from Chapter 8, in our text.  The authors were saying that adolescents often overestimate the harm of risky behavior in general, but they personally don't see themselves at risk and they place greater value on the rewards associated with the risk and not the consequences that would or could occur because of it.  It was fascinating to me because I thought this sort of thing just went " hand-in-hand" with being a certain age.  I didn't know it was related to the fact that these behaviors reflected the maturity of the brain regions associated with pleasure seeking compared to the regions that are actually able to control behavior.  It made me wonder, (and I wish the authors would have gone into a little more detail about the subject), why some adolescents take risks and some don't?  I've known some that seem to be more rational and mature than some of the adults I've known or met.  Is it because their regions of the brain that control behavior have developed early or is there some other factor involved?  I do know I'll be more understanding of teens and their risky behavior after reading about this subject, because it is  part of the growth process and not just due to stupidity or being rebellious.

The timing of reading about this topic coincided with a sad event that happened a week ago, around 2:30 am on May 6th.  A 21- year old guy that my daughter knows was killed in a car accident  because he was driving 60 mph on Lakeway Drive and lost control and hit a telephone pole.  This is a perfect example of risky behavior and it ties in to what the text was saying about  the pattern of adolescent deaths.  This boy happened to be Latino American and apparently most deaths at this age are due to motor vehicles, as opposed to guns, which is the main cause of death of African American boys.  When I told my husband about the accident (before I read this chapter), his response was basically "how stupid to be driving that fast down Lakeway and what was he thinking?"  After being enlightened on this subject, I can now look at the situation in different terms.  This accident was a total tragedy, no alcohol or drugs were found in his system and my daughter said he was a really great person.  Apparently, he had been to Peru, and did some teaching over there  (I'm not sure what subject - but I think it was English).  He had his whole life ahead of him, but because of his "risky behavior" he lost it and his family members and friends lost him.

I think it would be great if more research and studies could be done to see if there was some way to speed up the maturation process of the brain regions that control behavior control;  and if  this could be achieved think of how many accidents and deaths could be prevented in our society.

Co-rumination

This week, after reading Chapter 7 of our text, the topic of co-rumination jumped out at me, which is a consequence of friendship that usually exists between female children and adolescent girls.  The whole concept of co-rumination is that these girls will constantly discuss their problems over and over again with each other, but never really solve the issues that are involved.  The text pointed out that while it's beneficial to have support from friends, if too much time is spent talking about problems, it can actually have negative effects, which can lead to depression and anxiety.  This was interesting to me because they were referring to female children and adolescent girls, but it made me wonder why there was no mention of female adults.  In my opinion, I think it does occur in female adults and more studies should be conducted to see if this is the case.

The reason why  I wonder if this continues into adulthood is because it brings to mind one of my former employees.  This woman "ruminated" about her problems, pretty much 24/7.  She was the type of person that had to find "drama" in her life at all times, and now that I have learned about this concept of co-rumination and how it can lead to depression and anxiety, I'm convinced that it really does,  due to the fact that she told me that she was on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety prescription medication, in addition, she also had substance abuse problems with alcohol. 

I did some further research on this topic, and according to an article from the American Psychological Association web page, it said that a lot of friends were sympathetic for awhile, but after awhile became "frustrated, mad, and tended to pull away" from another friend, (like my employee), which in turn, gives the ruminator something else to ruminate about!  I also found another bit of information in my research that piqued my curiosity, and that was, there appears to be a "gender link" involved, boys also co-ruminate, but they do so with female friends and not male friends.  Interesting!!  I would like to learn more about the male/female aspect of this subject and if the effects of co-rumination are the same or different than the female/female relationship.

Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences

I really enjoyed reading about Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences because it takes into account other measures of intelligence other than just basing human intelligence on test scores.  His research in child development, brain damaged individuals, and extremely talented individuals, led him to expand the categories of intelligence well beyond the traditional theories of linguistic, logical-mathematical, and spatial categories.  Humans are all unique individuals with unique talents, and intelligence should not be based solely on how well we do at language and mathematical skills.  The world would be such a boring place if this was the case.  I like how the authors used Carlos Santana as an example of an exceptional guitar player, representing the musical intelligence category, and Oprah Winfrey representing the interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence categories.  Can you imagine the world without music?  I can't!  Oprah's show and her magazine have helped so many people learn about their strengths and weaknesses ( including myself), plus she has really reached out to other countries, like Africa, where she established a school for girls, so they could become educated, in order to have a better life.  I think that everyone of us falls into one of these nine categories (if not more), and that's what makes the world such a diverse, creative, entertaining place.  Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences seems to make common sense to me; we are all human beings and our unique talents and gifts that we offer individually to the world, come together collectively, whether it's to entertain us, teach us, or inspire us.